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Ending a relationship with Dignity

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Ending a relationship is never easy especially if you have been together a long time and you still care for the person, but feel the relationship does not have a long-term future. Most people don’t like hurting others and as a result it can often be as difficult for the person doing the breaking up as for the person being broken up with.

You should however never allow guilt to keep you with someone who you know is not right for you. This will only stop you finding the relationship that you deserve. Staying with someone because you feel guilty will not help the other person either as ultimately you will grow to resent them and this will lead to greater pain in the long run.

You should be honest about how you feel, don’t just start to ignore your partner and hope that they will just get the message and go away. Often such behaviour leads them to try harder and want you even more, which is the opposite of what you are trying to achieve. Sadly there is truth in the saying ‘treat them mean keep them keen’. 

The old lines ‘It’s not you it’s me’ and ‘you are a great person and I don’t deserve you’ will really not help and are not honest. How many people really split up because they feel that someone is too good for them? This will only lead to the other person trying to convince you that you do deserve them and dragging the inevitable end out.

So be honest but respectful and make sure you leave the other person with their dignity. Remember this was someone who you once loved or thought you could love. Always finish a relationship face to face, a text or email is never acceptable. If someone sees your face as you tell them and also your body language they are more likely to believe what they are hearing and not think that they have a chance to convince you to change your mind. You should try to prepare them for the break up by indicating that you feel you need to have a serious conversation about your relationship, this will hopefully soften the blow.  

When you end the relationship be firm but do not judge or blame the person if you can avoid it and don’t back down just because they get upset. You should try to withdraw yourself from the person for several months or until you know that they are over you. If you attempt to offer them comfort you will also be misleading them into believing that there is still hope.

If you are concerned about their welfare after the break up talk to a mutual friend and get them to offer comfort. This is a difficult time for everyone concerned but ultimately if you feel that someone is not right for you, you must follow your heart for everyone’s sake.

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