Over the years, we continue to grow and mature. The romance shared by the married couple may seem to change from what were familiar routines, into new and unfamiliar behaviors they do not yet understand. The relationship grows and seems to go through phases, leading the couple looking for reassurance that their romance is still intact. Eventually, the degree of romance gradually changes, and the passion once felt is no longer the predominant feature of the marriage – or as it was in the beginning. This is perfectly natural and healthy as we continue to evolve in ways that occur naturally. This does not imply that your partner no longer loves you or that your marriage means anything less than it did at the onset.
For some, marriage was convenient, or even coerced. Many marry for the wrong reasons which in time, always reveal themselves and expose the true nature (motives) of the individual. The notion of divorce implies selfishness or an internal conflict that needs to be resolved. Do you really want to be with someone who doesn’t want to be with you? Should you resort to self-preservation or seek out reasons to save your marriage? Life is hard enough without the added burden of trying to create something (out of nothing) that never existed in the first place. If you share the experience of diminishing romance in your relationship, and feel it has interfered with your ability (or your partner’s ability) to participate in an ongoing commitment – then it is time to re-evaluate the status of your marriage, distinguish what is genuine and what is contrived, and consider alternatives that can determine whether taking action now can save your marriage, and secure your future together.
Many events and circumstances arise which interfere with the normal flow of your lives as a couple. Whether it is work, illness, kids or family issues, or other responsibilities, chances are that romance has suffered as a result. This does not mean that the love and devotion have any less significance for either of you. This seeming change of behavior is probably the most misunderstood, and the most severely misinterpreted.
People grow, and evolve over time, and so do our interests and experiences. This does not mean that they no longer need the love, intimacy, and security that marriage provides. Quite the opposite, actually….for most couples, the love, companionship, intimacy, and romance have significantly more meaning than they ever could have in the past. The decision to save a marriage and avoid divorce is based on a more comprehensive understanding of the
process of the natural course of personal growth and development occurring – the capacity to accept the apparent changes that are innate to the process of maturation. Through growth and maturity you increase respect for the value that your marriage holds, and come to embrace the value of family as well. It takes time and experience to realize the appreciation and real value that marriage and family truly represent for you.
Another factor to be mindful of is whether you and your partner’s needs are being met adequately. As romance becomes expected rather than spontaneous, one or both of you may begin to feel insecure, or feel the absence of intimacy, and begin to show signs of resentment, withdrawal, and that something is missing. You both have the sensitivity to recognize when your partner needs the attention he or she values. You will not always be in sync with each other during the course of your day to day functions and responsibilities. You need to communicate this and reaffirm the bond you share.
Often simple tasks or gestures can be all that occurs to let your spouse know that you haven’t forgotten about him or her. Take time out, or better yet, make time to just do stuff together without interference. Offer to help doing routine maintenance or chores around the house, or maybe admit that you need help in making some decisions (about anything) requiring their input. Include each other when possible in daily activities or (send) an invitation to stop everything and go for a walk together. Be creative. Even the smallest gestures can go a long way in preserving your bond, and ultimately may be just enough to save your marriage. Talk about your sexual expectations – or lack thereof. When your partner offers feedback of any nature, an issue will surface, and you now have an opportunity to contribute to the subject. Be open to suggestions – your spouse by now has put a lot of thought into this already. Any way you choose to participate, will go a long way and will be deeply appreciated. Keep it simple. Keep it basic. There are no rulescross.jpg here. So be natural and let spontaneity take its course.
Even through light conversation you can resolve simple issues; issues which may be very significant and complex to your spouse (or vise-versa). You can avoid resentment, and prevent either of you from becoming reserved and withdrawn, by being yourself, and as attentive as you can, or always have been, even though you may express it differently than you used to. The message will still be understood and your actions will reaffirm the level of
commitment you truly have.