In an interview on a gay radio program recently the reporter asked his presenting expert why it was important to be monogamous in a relationship. She said that she believed that whether it is a gay or heterosexual partnership, the main reason it is important to be monogamous is that it prevents drama! Of course that’s not the only reason, but it’s significant. The aftermath of discovery of cheating can be extremely upsetting and in some cases unforgiveable, resulting in bitterness, heart-ache, humiliation and expensive breakups.
Unfortunately, in this so called modern society, we are supposed to be understanding of an occasional slip-up with fidelity. Indeed, there are some folk who encourage people to cheat full-on! A recent book by Judith E. Brandt titled The 50-Mile Rule: Your Guide To Infidelity and Extra-Marital Etiquette, aims to educate philandering folks on how to cheat and not get caught. Brandt justifies her stance by the premise that “all the good ones are taken” so if you want to have a hot date, you have to cheat someone out of their security in partnership. To minimize the chances of being caught, she recommends that your “cheatee” lives at least fifty miles away so you won ‘t be exposed by local gossips.
Brandt admits that she’s been the “other woman” in a relationship for more than ten years and that she doesn’t see anything wrong with it because it serves her needs and his. When asked how she thought his wife would feel, she answered curtly: “I hope she never finds out.” We might wonder how Brandt can be so calculating and cold regarding the wife’s feelings?
We might also wonder how Brandt can justify to herself that she likes being second-best and has enjoyed being kept on ice for ten years. It is rare for a man to actually leave his wife for his long-term mistress, so it’s very unlikely that she’ll ever be his priority. Perhaps Brandt knows this so she makes up this story that it’s OK for her to “meet her needs”. Doesn’t she have normal needs like wanting to be with the man she loves on Christmas day and birthdays?
Then there’s the Anne Noble website, which actually sets itself up as a paid advisory service for cheaters on how to do it without getting caught. Perhaps the prospective cheaters justify to themselves that the payment for the advice gives them permission to cheat. Is this ethical? Fancy wasting good money on learning how to be dishonest? Next thing we will have is a website that teaches you how to defraud your next-door neighbour or best friend.
It doesn’t matter how many famous people have gotten away with it. The basic fact is that cheating is cheating and it is wrong!
Exposure of cheating can also cause a lot of damage. To fix the relationship, the cheater has to somehow demonstrate that they’ve stopped all contact with the other person. If you are found out, you should cut off all temptation, you should put up with all the checking that your partner is bound to start doing and you should prove that you are committed to creating something that’s worthwhile out of the relationship –go to counselling, initiate a new shared project (like renovating the house) or take your partner on a cruise!
Dr. Janet Hall[ad_2]